A tryst with materials and uncertainty

An inhibitive approach, a confused entrant in a lab filled with materials...

Wood, Plastic, Rubber, Paper...clips, pins, fevicol, scissors...

left over yarns, threads and spiral wires....A few months ago, I would have had goosebumps at the very thought of it...

I used to avoid making anything tangible...not that I could sketch it, but making it solid was beyond consideration...prototyping was equivalent to life imprisonment...bad skills at softwares was no propelling factor to even make an attempt at hand skills...

The catalyst to my daredevilry were a few extra curricular reasons where I finally decided to take the plunge... Being blessed with an interesting paraphernalia of materials in our lab at the institute, I ventured into models/forms/objects whatever term may be most appropriate...

And this is when I made my little discovery (for my own good that is) : the biggest success came my way when I had absolutely no clue as to what the outcome would be...I just experimented and explored, at times giving shape to a sensitivity that was earlier purely two dimensional. I learnt a lot during the process, the wonders of a pin here or a clip there, combining different media and techniques, color combinations, paints, ink, a fold here a cut there...It would be vain to say that the output was exceptional but would also be thoroughly unfair to undermine those attempts...

I have been able to overcome my fear and reluctance...

A few weeks post those experiments, we were to work with thermocol...I had always detested it and had never used it...but thanks to the earlier adventures I was open to it...We were to attempt at a preconceived form...but after that was the real learning...I sat peacefully in the night and filed some waste thermocol to reach a form that I had not even vaguely imagined when I started. The pressures of hand, the variations in sand paper, and above all the thoughts in mind while the hands move on a material...helped me reach a form that though mediocre if judged by a panel, for me did great justice to my newly acquired inquisitiveness.

The Rhetoric of disgust

If you couldn't help me, why should I help you?
If you are not famous, why should I know you?

Selfish and cunning are basically smart
Poor with rich is juxtaposition, its a montage, an art

Being sensitive and emotional is wasting your time
Go GO earn money!! (now how do i make this one rhyme?)

Its fine if I meet my parents once in  a year
As long as I send then stale flowers through internet , and tell them I CARE

I will mock at those who cant use the machines of our making
I will sit in AC, while the bird dies in my balcony, no water for drinking...

I dont care about the bomb blast, I wasn't killed!
I will watch the news about the minister's girlfriend, and eat my sandwich grilled

I am disgusting and I love myself
Dont hate me, I am but your ownself...

Beat The STRESS

Like balloons that can burst at any moment , our faces are grotesque masses that inflate and deflate in alternating moments of stress and relief. We are but cartoons of our own making.

My only learning and advice (if any takers) is BEAT THE STRESS.
DONT take out  frustration on other innocent beings and fellow victims ...Do EVEN BETTER..
 take it out on the culprit itself---- MR/MS. STRESS!

A few examples----
Stand in front of thr mirror and GROWL, imagining that the Stress is your prey- you will feel majestic

Try to slap the invisible STRESS in air, the best part is it can never slap you back

When eating food, imagine you are eating up stress (for pure vegetarians, imagine stress to be a vegetable)


These were just a few, I am sure you can come up with even better mechanisms

Good Luck

random 2

Canaletto must be enjoing the sights from above,
social osmosis as he casts his eye upon, must appear like a vast capriccio...

random

Read whatever comes your way, think, analyse, question, reason, find, accept, respect, tolerate, abandon, but read....if not ..then listen.....but grow....for growth is greater than stunted gains...growth surpasses all........

Are you ready to be transmitted?

" Experience the real India", "Straight from Punjab".....very soon we will have kitchens that will boast of being bathrooms and classrooms that will boast of being playgrounds...the sky is the limit they say...who knows earth may start depicting itself as the sky...

A is trying to give the experience of B ...making relentless efforts at transmitting  a person from state A to state B...but perhaps this is what each and every design does.....we try to transmit the user from one state of experience to another...be it through an educational tool where one is exported to state of greater knowledge ..or be it a game for healing..where one is exported from someone suffering to someone who can understand teh suffering, confront it and overcome it....

Stressed? there are designs of spaces and products to make you reach  a state where you laugh or relax or burn it out....And then food joints...where you can just gulp it down....

At any moment of my life I am being exported from one state to another, and being assisted in this by the objects surrounding me and creating my world...

A big thankyou to my toys and games for having helped me in understanding this

A purpose lost

A: TO DO
B: To GET

A: To get
B: To Get MORE

A: To GET MORE
B: TO GET MOST

A: Why To get this way, lets get from some other  easy way
B: Brilliant


C: Hey A what about your "TO DO"...
A: I have forgotten, Why I was to "TO DO"....

past, present

In the Depths of time

Lies the secret of our existence

In the dark abyss of mind

Is born the cause of our Destruction

In the Enlightened present

Is nurtured our sustenance

Friends and Freedom

I sat at the back and let the breeze blow out all sound, while one of my friends drove the car, and the others contemplated on the evening.....11:25pm ...a little emptiness on streets...the streets where we grew up....became friends, bicycled, had endless walks and gossipped, went to school, went shopping, went to tuitions, went for birthdays and so on....But that one night, as the breeze embraced my face and tickled it....I sensed freedom....

Is the fact that we choose to be with our friends and are not born with them........is it synonymous with freedom....Why is a ride on a friend's scooty easier to ask for than asking your cousin to drop you somewhere?

Is friendship a branch of freedom? Could be, Its always easy to break rules when friends are around, even if that means misusing freedom :)

Food and Relationships

If ever I were to win someone's heart, I would do it with food...

Ranging from the most exotic to the most fingerlicious butterlicious Or even Gheelicious

Food I announce, is the elixir of relationships

I cannot possibly erase food from any of the memorable moments spent with family or friends, somehow food just finds its way in..or maybe food has always been there and the rest just fits in

Lunchbreaks in school : Hands snatching at the last bit left of that Aloo Parantha or cold maggie, mouths stuffed, stomachs growling, stained neckties and happy hearts.....friends united


Tuitions: The poor packet of Chips (or more so hot air) being transferred from hand to hand, followed by strictly one sip each of Mountain Dew, Somehow the hands kept increasing, the packet never returned to its starting point...


College: Maggie Anda was the new Daal Chawal with the Chutney of gossip...'Ya, ..munch munch....so as I said, she actually said this you know!...ek bite dena zara.."

Chai before momos..followed by juice and perhaps momos again , was anything but normal when important things on mind ..such as : "Oh I forgot to tell you, you are supposed to wash your utensils"...."But I have already washed mine!!"....."No, No, you havn't..all the rice is stuck on to your plates!"...."But I dont eat rice!!!!"..."Arrey you eat your momos na! we'll see later....have you paid the bill?'.."Bill? Which bill?"



After Date: " Oh we had the most awesome time together! We went to this all night cafe and had thsi most amazing mousse and chocolate blah and hazelnut blah and then drank the most exotic blah at the most romantic swimming pool side...and there their special chef prepared this blah...and decorated it with a heart....and his sister sent these swiss chocolates for me and blah......."..

you almost feel that it is a food monster babbling in front of you....




Returning home after training of four months:  "Oh It feels so good to be back home..sigh...I had my favorite badam milk in bed, then i had this awesome gobhi parantha with butter, mom made halwa for me, then i even had kheer because tayiji sent it for me, oh you must try the pickle my buaji makes, and then I had butter chicken at dhabha with my childhood buddy and had this amazing paan with papa....I really missed home....."

Who is to blame?

It is but so convenient to put the blame on the other. Whom would you like to blame?



Debate Topic in school:     Is the education system to blame for increasing pressure on  children?


Television Talk Show:       Is Reality Television responsible for increasing suicides?


Radio Discussion:             Why do girls wear salwars underneath T-Shirts?


Facebook Chat:               Why is everyone joining this Aircel Campaign, what do they do (joining it 

                                       nevertheless)?



Traffic Jam:                         Why do all these buggers drive a car when they can't..(CRASH) ?\


Evening Walks:                   These newage office goers, they strain their necks on laptops day and night, no

                                          fresh air! I made my daughter join her office gym !



Mobile:                              I don't know why my mobile gets discharged so quickly, no no tell me more, i

                                         have free talktime, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

A few unanswered ones...

Ever wonder how much are we answerable to the many who form our individual universe....
So much so, that we forget answering our own selves....

Such is the lust to prove our own worth, that we seldom grieve over the loss of what is worthy, for we do not have the time...

What value is the money earned that hurts even more when spent?

Dreams

If I could build castles in day dreams, I would create my own happy Chandni Chowk, a Chandni Chowk where Ghalib and I would have karachi halwa together..and his haveli would be free from encroachments........

If I could look different in my dreams I would be Queen Gulnaar of Sarojini Naidu's imagination, for only my daughter would be more beautiful than I....

If I could do something I can't, I would sing in my dreams, and have nightingales as my friends...

If I could build my own house in dreams, I would build one with lovely flowers, seven dogs, next to Ruskin Bond's house, and share my cakes and muffins with him....

If only reality weren't such a nightmare, All dreams would have been true.......

Verses on Kisses

She : "I kissed my boy friend  :D"

They: "HAWWW sharram nai ayi??"
         "Kids today..they just cant wait"
         " OOOOOh..how was it ....haan haan..."
         "He has spoilt your innocence......tsk"
         " Please concentrate on work...all this can happen after marriage"
         " DONT U DARE GO ANYWHERE without our PERMISSION!!"
         " I am literally saving you by keeping you away from him, trust me, now solve these equations!"
         " You really are shameless ain't you!"
         " Hmm How did it feel ? pata naa!"
        
Guardian angel (adult ego): "I know it was lovely :)...congratulations"

        
        

process

We said: W e can't simply make what we want to. We know what we are thinking is right, but we need to prove it. For we cannot be selfish, we want to satisfy a customer, consumer, user, buyer, an audience.

They say: Ok then, lets do a survey

We said: Yaay

They say: W e have done the survey, some audience wants a, some wants b, but none said so for c, and c is what u want to give.

We said: oh they cant even think of c, because c does not exist, c is an option that we have thot of, they will certainly love it.

They say: Prove it

We said: Lets do a workshop

They say: Excellent!!!

We did a workshop with prototype , for making the actual c is costly

We said: The workshop gave us some useful insights, now we are planning to make d.
 d = a+b+c

They say: Prove it!

We do another survey, another workshop and end up with e.

e=d+suggestions

They say: Prove it!!

We come up with f.
f=e-a +Suggestions

They say: Prove it!!

It continues...when we reach z

we realize:

z = c



They laugh.........

The Disconnect

In school- You should always address those you respect as "Sir" and "Ma'am"

In institute- Will you please not act as a sissy, You know I have a name! Stop being so formal yaa!

At Bank- Bas, SIRRJI , MALIK ho aap to,  ab to aap hi kuch karva sakte hain......ji ..ji....haan ......Sir you are the boss, now only you can do something..yes yes...(by the way the concerned locker is yours not Sirji's)

At Office- Sir I was wondering if you liked the presentation (Unnoticed, Sir is too busy gazing, he must be trying to learn human anatomy one would guess!)

On Roads- Sir, listen you keep this (Rs.50) I wont park here again, promise, please Sir, its the first time

Compulsive complaining syndrome

Its caused by a bug, the bug in the mind
Every generation as it starts ageing physically, starts creating this bug in its mind....I am just 21 but even I do it at times!!

It leads to neverending complaints about the younger generation---- they are crazy, they have no discipline, they are more dishonest, they follow no rules, they eat such rubbish, they work all night, they want to follow their own will, they dont follow our culture, they dont read what we used to, they have lost the tradition...........and to top it all "when we were young........", "in our times....".................."Oh this is nothing! during the days of my great great great grandfather..........................."

Callously ignoring the fact that every new generation grows up on the aftermaths of the explorations, creations, expectations and understandings of the older generation....

If your son plays too much on the play station....remember, someone from your generation probably conceptualized it for him.......What is new for you, is perhaps normal and obvious for your child like the many activities and objects of our daily life

Its most pacifying to complain and most natural to be anxious about their future...however its best to let them cope with it the way they can.


p.s. trying to imitate them to understand them better generally leads to identity crisis

Is something missing?

Little Raghav was found masturbating, his mother threatened him with dire consequences on repetition of the activity, the boy grew up considering it to be a dirty act, something to shy away from, to be secretive about.

Raghav was now 12 years of age, he was sent to a boarding school. Sexual explorations, queries about pubertal changes were met by either warden's strict adherence to rules or seniors' unhealthy understanding and games on sexuality.

When 18, Raghav went to college, had his first dating relationship and had absolutely no clue of appropriate sexual behavior. Deep inside he had a fear that he might end up doing something that his girlfriend might find dirty just as his mother did. Contradicting the fear was his unmet desire to explore sexuality as a growing man...........


Little Pallavi saw a packet of sanitary napkins and asked her father what it was. With visible discomfort, he said she would learn as she grows up.

When Pallavi started with her menstruation cycle at school, her mother was embarrassed in explaining to her how babies are born...no more could she tell that swans dropped them..... As years passed, Pallavi wondered why waxed feet were linked with longer skirts and trousers...

As a young working woman, she went on a holiday with the man she loved, Raghav. She was unsure of  sex before marriage.... She feared that asking her mother would mean an early marriage. She was embarrassed in asking her best friend whether contraceptives actually work, and thought that emergency pills were just as good....Unfortunately Raghav was no help either.....

Three months later they got married. Raghav had forgotten (he said so) to carry condoms. Pallavi was too sceptical of contraceptive pills. Pallavi left her job on maternal leave.

An ode to The Dog Community

I am a DOG Lover...I dont just go "awww, he is soo cute" at their sight, .......I understand them....I observe them...I like to catch their every movement...A twitch in the ears...moisture on nose..sudden turning around to bite the itch away....sitting in alarm to cautiously snap at a buzzing fly.......hope in the eyes...pretending to be angry by displaying a few yellowing teeth..angry bark, loving bark, scared bark.....breaking things by underestimating the weight or flexibility of their tails.....I can go on and never stop

Dog therapy is a tested and tried part of healing for various reasons, but what about the dog therapy we can get almost everyday and that too for free?
Why let it go?

I almost greedily grab at any occassion to be with a Dog, I like to feel the love they display through pawing at my feet, or softly biting my hands, or just keeping the head in my lap and pretending to sleep, while i pat them or play with their moustache and coat....

I have almost always had a dog come to me when I have been sad....for I look at them in their eyes genuinely...If I am happy, the dog as if by telepathy, would  be playful, maybe he would jump on me,or try to pull away my jacket (completely ignoring the fact that I am inside);
If sad I have mostly had dogs keeping their heads in my hands or lap, or give a soft lick on the face or fingers while I silently oozed out the pain.......

As a kid,. my best friend was my pet. I would narrate to him the entire incidents of the day, hoping to get some advice, and I am sure he advised me well, for I never returned dissatisfied.....

There is a dog in my neighbourhood who is infamous amongst children.....when he came here for the first time he almost bit my hand away, somehow his eys betrayed his pretence at scaring me...I went upto him every single day, and offered him my hand to bite...he never did....but in a few weeks, he did lick it......he still bullies those children, however he doesn't bark when I am around, and if he sees me from far, he calls for me or runs towards me.....

Once when on a vacation to Chail, there was a huge sheep dog, who showed absolutely no interest in me, I was not only hurt but also felt cheated. I went upto him, and spent almost an hour trying to get his attention,......... in exasperation I even pretended to bark...I think that must have really tickled him, for he gave in and sat next to me on the bench....When I woke up the next day...he was sleeping outside our cabin :)

TOY- Random

Play is a transition to imagination through tangible or intangible mediums and these are toys...
Toys are also the deposits of trust and feelings
It is easier to express to or through a toy
At times this faith and ease exceeds that with humans and pets
What if a toy could come back and tell the parents if it feels their child needs help
Or if parents could turn into toys for a while and know their children better, but then wont it be a violation of privacy?

If only she could Fly

Amidst the misty dunes and dancing light
She woke up with the dawn

Following the birds she took her secret flight
A seeker of  the skies was born

They saw her shine one ominous night
A dreadful consensus hence drawn

My butterfly fought with all her might
Alas! her wings were torn

The real world

When for a few incentives youngsters stage extreme irrational emotions on screen........far away as they fight on a studio, we sitting in our comfort spaces all excited and keen................................... call it real....

When a man overwhelmed by hunger falls on the concrete, we stay away, he could be faking it



When our internet buddies come online, we choose to ignore our mother's call to dine

When Dumbledore died, we cried



I am a part of this incomprehensible, contradictory, weird, sick, lovable, hatable, mad, happy, sad, rich, and deprived world, and seem to find no way out.....All that I knew as a kid was that reality is a monster called the BIG BAD WORLD..................... but those guys on TV said we need to save it and make it green.......

Friendly are we?

I was waiting to find the trash bin amidst the claustrophobia, people buzzing in a manmade beehive, overwhelming smells of indianised sandwiches, samosas and COFFEE!

My flight had been delayed and a complimentary coffee in the coffee shop is always welcome, especially when getting bored at the airport.

I had just finished mine and was about to give up my search for the bin, when there was a sudden disturbance. An elderly gentleman, must be nearing 80's, had spilled his coffee while trying to pick up sugar and napkins, from  a frail, table of a structure , in an almost invisible corner. Such was his bewilderment that anyone would have been moved to help. However, it didn't happen, how could people move out of their serpentine queue? It was obviously unquestionable! Downright FOOLISH!

So they chose to stand and watch, some were shaking their heads (why ain't  his children here with him?), some were visibely touched (OH Poor man! look at him), and some chose to ignore....

When I approached him, I realized that this wasn't just what it appeared to be, this was not just a normal spilling of a coffee, like we very callously ignore in our metropolitan lives. He was absolutely devastated and shocked beyond condolence. He was shivering, stammering and staring at the coffee in disbelief, it was not a minor accident for him, it had hurt his self esteem and confidence much like a tragedy.

Without thinking I hugged him and said "Its alright uncle, Should I get you another coffee?"
He stared at me with a vague look in eyes brimming with tears, and said "I dropped my coffee, it just fell, all of it, see, my coffee.."

No matter what I said, did not help him, and I realized I was only further making a spectacle out of him. We moved out of the sickening stares and closing space. He did not have the courage or will to get another coffee, stuttering and stammering he went away....The shop's staff never bothered ......leaving me horrified and wondering......................................................................Is our world really elderly friendly?
A lot can happen over beverages right!......yes dreams, courage and will powers can also get shattered over spilled coffees....

Are we designing environments and systems,  keeping in mind human empathy and emotions?....Do the elderly not have a right to places that can be more friendly, easier and loving?

If  my parents go for a holiday on their own, can I sleep in peace dreaming that they must be enjoying, or should I be left biting my nails, wondering whether they are safe and happy?

Powerplay

Women all around the world have been victims of dangers on the streets. Fear is hence a global phenomena that manifests itself through the scorching eyes of many a men.

The great imbalance in justice causes victims or potential victims to safeguard their own selves through varied means. For the oppressers have no fear.

But what if the situation is turned arouund and the potential victim is not a victim anymore, and the oppresser harnesses fear?

There is a critical moment between  a man following a woman and a man raising his hand on a woman, That is the moment the ownership of power is established, generally with the oppresser. Before that, the oppresser and the woman are more or less at the same level.

What if at that moment, the woman instead of considering herself weak, stares the man in his eyes and tells herself that he cant harm her? If not complete safety, if not complete power, atleast a few moments of the man's bewilderment could give her an opportunity to reach a safer place.

What if a woman instead of accepting her physical weakness or her defeat, hits the man with all her might, bites him like a scavanger, or maybe rip apart his eye lash, or hair, or tear the ear just a bit........we tend to forget the immense pain their body can be inflicted with if we accept our victimization.

We are all powerful in our own ways, and if we accept this, maybe our survival instincts would keep us safer, atleast better than what the current state is....

Democracy (taught in Civics in the prison called School)

Freedom of choice, the right and the confidence to take your own decisions....a little alien riding your bicycle....all of these seem equally incredulous and fragments of imagination in our society.

I want the street dog to trust me as I call for him and not to consider me another monster who would kick him.

I want my nephew to choose what he wants to learn and how he wants to learn.I cannot bear to see him sulking and vanishing in his agony.

I want my friends to have no fear of family, future, salaries, and prospective husbands/wives as they undertake their chosen fields.

I want my elders to be free of the pressures created by their neighbours' gossips, people's remarks/ judgements/comparisons, fear of illness/theft/cheating, and television.

I want people to know that they need money more to sustain themselves and their unique needs than to buy the riches that their counterparts might have.

I want the world to know that we are not obliged to anyone to live in the slavery  that we do.....that though there are many risks, fear is only making it worst for us....that though we take care of ourselves, we are irresponsible towards the rest.....and that the world is still a beautiful place if only we learn what really is democracy.

Learning through Relations

A few months ago, I was sitting and having a lively chat with my nephew when suddenly I changed the topic to his school. He told me he hated it and that many of his teachers used illogical techniques to teach....I tried to defy his school, cheating my own self, hiding my own agony over institutionalized systems, all in vain.




"Why should I write a word 100 times when i misspelled it just once....does she think I wont repeat the mistake this way? I wont, for I hate the word so much now that I wont use it." said that little boy of 11....I had no answer.



He came to meet me some weeks after that, and picked up an Illustrated book on Birds, followed by a Graphic Novel on making Graphic Novels..and read silently...quite unlike his usual fits of temper when forced to prepare for the neverending Tests. We discussed the queries that sprouted from his inquisitiveness, created by the medium and the relationship that we share.



This incident reminded me of the time he had acted for a movie I had made on children. All that I told him was that I trusted him, and he did a marvellous job along with his friends. They themselves planned many scenes and their facial expressions were nothing less than remarkable.Ten year old boys, who had never really acted before. They were not my nephew's friends that day, they were my partners, and we made a movie together!





Isn't it true, that we end up learning a lot about life itself when in the company friends or people we are comfortable with?

When the fear of the other person being superior/judgemental/authoritative is gone and respect and trust are established, learning becomes a desire/a subconscious happening/an active participation/ something natural.

The learning itself becomes a part fo relationship just like meeting and hugging and sharing secrets....

Strong are those..who cry

"I hate it when someone cries in public"- A
"C always cried when she was a kid, ha ha ha"- B

Is crying a weakness?
Is expressing grief or mourning over something that causes pain, or disturbance..weakness?

"Yes"- echo

"No"- says I

Tears are the most healing and natural purgative available to mankind. We did not learn how to cry, we were born with it. What we did learn, was to hide it.

I have always cried when I felt the need to. I was mocked at, scolded and sympathsied with ....varying from person to person. All of these were wrong!

We generally don't cry for sympathy, and no one cries naturally to exhibit weakness...we cry to come to terms with a  difficult reality, to face it and to accept it, so that we can get strong enough to move ahead with it.

Those who repress it, as some of my male friends do, show symptoms of disturbance...they could get more irritable, break things, hurt themselves, hurt others...

I Love to give it all out...its an elating moment....

I'll share a personal experience...
When I was in school, I hated examinations, they were for me the most pressurizing times, for I would unnecessarily, make myself answerable to the whole world through my performance.
Since I hated them so much, I obviously never prepared for them in adavance, which led to a massive burden on the eve of the examination.
For a little girl, it was indeed an enormous bundle of tention and grief, and I would cry to release it, to accept it.
It resulted in me feeling extremely light and generally happier, and then having acceptyed the reality I would simply sit down to study with all my energies focussed at one place. The result: Good Performance.

No matter, how much people scoffed at it, and called me weak, I never stopped crying, if i felt the need to ease myself through it.

However now that I am 21, I at times try to stop myself from crying, which I did a few months back when I was faced with many upheavels and sudden changes. I told myself,  I wont cry, there is no need. I detached my being from my psyche, the result: I was most irritable and fighting with almost everybody, without being able to understand why?

One night, I asked myself, to redo all the events that had distrubed me months ago in my mind, and silently cried.....
I am at peace now and working happily.
I am much more in control and am dealing well with life, for tears don't weaken, at times they help to get stronger.

How dynamic is their Dynamism

During a heated discussion with a very experienced gentleman, I came to think about rigid Constructs....
And realized that possibely no intangible construct can really be static....they all have to be dynamic...they grow/evolve/change with time, place, people and innumerable seen and unseen forces be they natural or manmade....

So be it myths that are today becoming contemporary or be it games that have risen from simple to complicated and from entertainment and learning to competition, or be it our perceptions of need that have risen from basic to neverending, everything is dynamic....every thought is dynamic.....every construct is dynamic...Then what happens to the age old creations called Nation States, Laws and Wars......are they not supposed to get contemporary...are they not supposed to get dynamic?

In our country, three things are inevitably delayed....1. Security  2. Medical Aid  3. Justice.........To add on to it, there is such steep economic disparity that the greater percentage of those who cannot afford the riches, probably give up hopes to ever receive it........

There are more criminal reforms than there is an understanding of victimology.....One needs to have cash or their life is not valued......People incharge of our safety are generally busier in other important tasks such as vindicating unfortunate young couples from cities for protecting honour and holiness (this unchallenged duty is mostly ignored when a woman complaining of her honour being violated goes to them to seek help)

If someone dies on a road, if someone gets raped, if someone is harrassed by family/spouse/institute/office .....they only get further harrassed by the courts....

And the most rigid of them all is the rigidity in our roleplay...I think we love to be victimized...We love to believe that power comes with job, money or position in society....And we completely raise those at such high pedestals that being normal humans they cant help but  give in to the greed of violating our own selves.....
Be it an advocate or a jury member for a competition...we love to feel low and underconfident about ourselves..we love to call them Gods ....We are not being humble, we are being fools and unnecessarily we give others the liberty to feel that they can overpower us..and in this vicious game of powerplay they go to great lengths to hurt us...

....When children question such obviously rigid structures , parents say "forget it, this system cannot be faught, lets stay out of this mess..."..........We ourselves are becoming static, like puppets whose puppeteers are these structures, and we get dynamic only when they pull our strings to support their rigidity with our silence........

Lets speak out....lets question.......lets bring a change.......Lets empower ourselves....Lets coem together to build a socirty that is rational and humane

The Freedom with Anonymity

Not so long ago… I experienced an eccentric side of human nature…alongwith a very dear friend and could not help but write about the sheer joy I felt at the moment of experience ..and how I cannot help but wonder at my own idiosyncrasy now ….




Lets give that moment a definition: “When monkeys and penguins danced at the terrace- freedom with Anonymity”…



I had always mocked at people who would say that their popularity was ultimately a menace and that they would much prefer if they could lead their lives being anonymous….not that I myself seek popularity but being anonymous, being unidentified…that wasn’t really food for thought in my case…until ofcourse now!



A few nights ago….I was travelling and took a halt at a very dear friend’s place for the night….. We were meeting after such a long period that our happiness gave us a high that was certainly higher than the most sought after mediums tend to do …And at midnight..we suddenly felt like going to the terrace of her building…



She stays in a society where neighbours are people who are separated just by a wall, and lanes are lucky labyrinthine spaces that must have went unnoticed to have remained alive …

Hence the terraces of most neighbouring blocks are joined and only separated by minimal divides of concrete…



So there we were….. laughing, cracking jokes, sharing cheap thrills from long forgotten experiences ..when suddenly I started dancing…Not that a choreographer would call it so..but I still prefer to say that I started dancing and inspired my friend also to join in the madness..(two bundles of clothes moving left right and occasionally a hand shooting in various directions)…So at 2:00 am in the morning…in cold….dark and friendly fog…we were dancing….For No one..Just No One could see us doing so…There was this enthralling sense of freedom…a sense of joy and power as if we owned that moment…



When suddenly we noticed an intruder in our privacy….The neighbour (probably someone who would have recognized us at daytime), was talking on the phone with his Lady Love (plain assumption) and had not yet noticed us because it was dark and foggy…



This negligence gave us further confidence to continue with our acrobatics and we started dancing with all the more vigour and fearlessness….After almost a decade..I told my mind and heart…. “Dance, Who Cares!!!”



When we realized that he really could not recognize us..we thought ….lets get mischievous….

Dear Reader…in times of normalcy …we are least expected to end up with such thoughts but that night…was an exception….we were fearless and free…for we could not be recognized…he couldn’t identify the two figures moving and oscillating and falling…And so the dance was followed by… us walking like penguins….jumping like monkeys….and trying to scare the poor soul by pretending to be ghosts…..yes we also took out sounds like that of a lion and dog and some more unidentifiable creatures… and we succeeded in bewildering him to the fullest and we could finally hear..him telling the person on the other end of the mobile network about two people behaving weirdly on the terrace …But his sound was soon dawned by our barbaric laughter….We laughed till we cried…and went back to sleep…only to wake up in the morning and curb the random spurts of laughter that kept emerging all day when the activities of the night resurfaced the mind….



Having been brought up with more NOT TO DO’s than To Do’s……I realized that its not just funny but also sad….Why could we not dance with such happiness had it been daytime? …..is anonymity our only medium to express certain hidden aspects ….. …(not always eccentric….some could be great hidden singers…some could be great thinkers….some could be great artists….some could be great lovers..and some the most vivacious..)…and what if someone else in such a moment could have taken eccentricities to dangerous heights…..?



I wonder…..



But yes..i sympathise with those who long for it…it is indeed a desirable state at times…

States....(states of human selves...not the ones that have roads and houses and ministers fighting)

In the past four years i have repeated like a parrot "To design something, one must understand the context..." ...i still am loyal to the thought...however with a little more insight into how much more can be the context.....

When giving presentations..we would sulkingly divide our observations under Psychographics, demographics and ...(I would wonder why was it always a loathsome graphic)....and so on...

But Psychographics can actually be so aloof when we take a generic perspective.....
Leave alone a group.. ..the psychographics of a single person do not follow a straight path or a confirmed path...Our personalities transform..not just in years but also in hours, minutes and heavens forbid..seconds!

And its not just to do with our surroundings, and gender, and age, and religion ..its to do with everything we experienced throughout our lives (even something as basic as a bird defecating on you)..the enormisity of such experiences in undoubtedly inexplicable but what is even more fascinating is.. that any of the experiences that a person may have had..can resurface...and then maybe at that particular moment ..the previous understanding of the personality may not be anything near perfect...phew

So, during a  single day a person could be dominated by some past experience  and then maybe gradually resurface into a more rational present self to simply deter it all by borrowing someone else's standards of beliefs (mostly when they say "what would the SOCIETY say?" or "What would your relatives say?" and maybe "What would the street dog think?" and so on...) ....

So then..whom to cater.....?

Some of us have a more consistent self.. Some have an ever fluctuating self and some are fixated selves.....

It would be fascinating to own something that could cater to all these selves....just like the toys whose functions vary with age..maybe toys whose functions vary according to the momentscapes of these varying selves....

Just a thought.....by my adult self..... while the child self sleeps and the parent self is yet to evoke

The notion of trust

I have observed....in this world... many a battles  against a very besettling notion that grips our social constructs which are unfortunately bejewelled with hypocrisy...and that is THE notion OF trust...

...Its alright to be unhappy..one has the power to somehow bear with it and move on to the somewhat easier and elating state of happiness and then i think its the easiest to suspect ....but thats another discussion altogether..so for now lets focus on our varied notions of TRUST

Trust by far is the most difficult ego state I have come accross in my life.....both as an observer and the one being observed.......consider this:

When we say that "Yes, i trust you.." ..we say ..." Yes, I'll try hard to overlook all mistakes you make..as just that.  .mistakes.... and I wont suspect that you are attempting to kill me....and I remind myself  atleast a 100 times a week that  you are to be trusted with my peace of mind...and if you prove my trust wrong I shall spend another 100 hours at telling myself that you were never trustworthy and that I were a fool...and then probably another 100 months at telling myself that I am to trust my decision of trusting someone else..".....

When we say "please trust me"...we say.."Please trust me so that I can spend every nanosecond in making sure that I dont do anything that would make you feel that I am not to be trusted because I find it hard to trust whether you actually trust me..and at times I feel that you trust the other friend more than you trust me..because I cant trust you to be only trusting me..and I need you to trust me for atleast a billion days so that I can start trusting you after that...."

Both these states require a very systematic and exhaustive synnergy through sensorial experiences to be able to achieve that state of trust...trust me if you can!!

The Triumvirate- A fight of three friends against Sexual Abuse....

Narangi was a timid 16 year old when she entered his hostile Garage...filled up to the brim...unfortunately not with cars...but victims of ISC Mathematics and INDIAN SOCIETY BOARD MANIA.....

He was a Mathematics teacher in a prestigious school and his students flocked his Garage more than they ever went to school itself...It did not matter if they ever understood the problem..he would teach them the solution...and to know the solution was what propelled those overburdened ,malnutritioned and blind sheep to bear with his perversities, his lewd remarks, his nasty eyes and his foul breath

As Narangi sat there wondering why his hand rested with such ease on the other girl's lap, a student from his school, she could sense his eyes on her...the wolf was sniffing..but little did he know...this was not a prey..he had mistaken..

The first day...he dared to rest his hand on her shoulder..she shrugged it off....she asked him to explain the solution twice, thrice, when he couldn't ...she told him to try again the next day and left...she knew he was wrong..but she wasn't sure..maybe it was just a friendly gesture...after all he was her father's age...and were the other students mad?

The next day he complimented her.....The third day he took her palm in his filthy hands....the fourth day he called her in anotehr batch..when she reached there..she found herself sitting alone on the cushion....She could sense his heavy breath as she toiled hard to show him teh correct solution to the problem...yes the very problem that she showed to him on the first day.....she knew she was right..she was right all along...He was a Wolf, An Abuser and knew answers to problems but not the solutions ....

Before he could suggest his selfish interests in giving her that extra time, she suddenly got up and left...without a word...she spoke so much...she told him with her silent move  that she coudl see through him and she wont let him have that advantage....

Next day she heard rumors in her class about the teacher having made moves on her...she was ripped apart with anger...but her friends supported her..they stood by her and trusted her...they maligned the teacher and asked her to ignore...but when the blood is young and thoughts are strong...some people dont give up so soon..and narangi was one of them..

They made a plan...the triumvirate, Narangi, X and Z....X and Z picked up Narangi from her place after school and together they went up to the teacher's house on the scooty...two fat girls and one who almost lost her leg that day(by hitting against a pole)....they fled through a sand storm and reached his place....

His son who was in his late twenties was standing outside...the three girls stood like cowboys and asked him to call his father...He did...maybe he knew what was coming...for the anxiety on his face gave immense pleasure to Narangi...As the balding stout man stood there..the three girls  insulted and blamed him in front of his son...they made remarks as to how he had tainted the purity of teacher student relationship, broken children's trust..how he had brought shame upon himself, his son, his one year old grandson...

The man stood there...head held low...his son stood there...bewildered if not too shocked.....and the girls ...they smiled a cunning smile..the smile of victory, courage, responsibility and anger.....

The wolf had made a mistake...Narangi was not a prey...she was the predator herself....hunting for such men...to bring shame upon them and malign them publicly....to do what they do to others...cause mental harrassment...(after this incident rumors were spread that narangi had slapped the teacher...she was treated no less than a heroine by many)

A year or two after that...that teacher was suspended from school...and his tuition shut down.....the rest is not known....the wolf vanished....

As for Narangi and the otehr two, their fight is on...because there are more wolves in this world than the prey...and the predators of wolves are few

(this is a true story...identities have not been revealed for obvious reasons)

Hushhhh

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
hushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
"Keep Quiet you foolish girl!!!"
"talk in a softer tone"
"SHHHHh what will the society say....."


Why don't we start a nationwide competition on different ways to HUSHHHHH.....of silencing not just sounds..but also brutally killing the very soul of those who dare to speak...

Toys are they?

I started my journey with Toys as my accomplice and they have been loyal still...but what I was wondering today was whether my connection with toys is similar to those that others have...and I realized a few things--
We all interact with any object or being in a unique manner that deviates not just with age and gender and other physical aspects but moreso with our psychological being...

I have always believed in the intrinsic communication that takes place between objects and humans just as it does between animals and humans...If you treat your instrument well..it remains loyal...if you don't..it shall betray you when you need it the most....a basic principle yet so intriguing... until and unless you hit the stone crudely while being barefoot...it wont break your nail mercilessly.....

How we relate to an object or to a toy hence determines its reaction on us....The toy that i used to play with while creating an imaginary play ..is today a being who shares my room...The presence of my toys with their varying characteristics and identities that I believe they possess..leaves me with a sense of belonging and devoid of ugly loneliness in the absence of other family members...I fel the warmth of life around me..
However the same toy could be a menace for my mother who would consider it a hindrance in her dusting schedules..

An acrobat (available in melas) that rests peacefully by my bedside would be of no use or satisfaction to my elder sibling...however an alien with wings is his accomplice who can hang in his car for holidays gallore..

A box shaped like a chick, being currently used to hold my mother's favorite mouthfreshners is indeed her toy, which gives her immense pleasure by not just its aesthetics but also its contents...

Toys are used..needed by all of us..in some way or the other...I feel they are not limited to definitions or categories...They are the creations of not just hands and machines but of the minds of people who relate to them in their own ways